Here is my latest batch of Christmas limericks. Hope you enjoy!
The retailers are hoping to see
The rush of a late shopping spree
‘Cause their best Christmas joys
Are not Santa’s toys
But a bottom line fatter than he.
Christmas is a time to defuse
The discomfort from reading the news.
If the rest of the year
Could see Christmas cheer
We might be surprised what ensues.
With the last present gone from the sled
“Back home” shouted Santa and sped,
‘Cause now his new aims
Are not Reindeer games
But Mrs. Clause warming the bed.
The good food and family instill
A feeling of peace and goodwill.
But for all your good cheer
To last through the year
Will depend on your credit card bill.
Today I offer up something a little different. Here are some limericks using lines from famous Christmas carols or poems. Happy holidays and enjoy!
|The North Pole is bustle and noise
As Santa and those he employs,
Prepare for the day
By loading the sleigh
With gifts for the good girls and boys.
|The children are filled with delight,
Because Santa’s about to take flight.
“Merry Christmas” he said
As he flew overhead,
“To all and to all a good night”.
|Our shopping’s complete with no qualms,
To charity, we’ve given our alms.
No task left undone,
Christmas night has begun.
Silent night, holy night, all is calm.
|The night air is crisp and combining
With planets and moon now aligning
For a wondrous sight,
It’s O Holy night
And a sky filled with stars brightly shining.
|When the wind in the trees starts to blow
And you hear the leaves rustling below,
Then a chill in the air
Says it’s time to declare
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
|The work had been planned by committee
To make all the sidewalks look pretty.
Dressed in holiday style
They bring out a smile,
Now it’s Christmas time in the city.
|It happens this time of the year,
We see someone special appear.
Keep close watch tonight
And you’ll see him in flight,
It’s Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer.
|A blanket of snow fell anew
And the backseat is perfect for two.
With this night so sublime
Now’s the right time
For a sleigh ride together with you.
|If we wait, we would be remiss
In wishing good tidings for this,
Holiday of lights
And a magical night.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
|As the Sun slowly works its way down
The excitement is felt all around.
We’ve waited a year
Now Christmas is here
And Santa is coming to town.
Egypt is going through some difficult growing pains. It seems whenever a group gets a taste of power, they’re reluctant to let it go or even share. The new President recently tried to exempt all his decisions from Judicial review and that set off a storm of protests. The Egyptian people deserve better. They have rallied in the streets each time some new group tries to dismantle their burgeoning democracy. Big changes require ferocious persistence. Don’t give up!
While Egypt aspires to be greater
It will come but may have to be later
As a Presidential attempt
To make decisions exempt
Sounds more and more like a dictator.
Hostess is declaring bankruptcy…again. Let’s all give a collective yawn and a hearty so what. And what about the rush on the Hostess stores? Are there not enough other snacks to take their place? Are Twinkies just that good? I find it amusing how people will pine for something when it’s gone even though they haven’t paid attention to it for years. When was the last time you actually ate a Twinkie? I rest my case.
The demise of the Twinkie has tears
In the eyes of some, but appears
To be whining and bluster
‘Cause they long lost their luster
And most have not had one for years!
Greed reigns supreme at Walmart and Target this year. It wasn’t enough to open at midnight after Thanksgiving, now they’re opening at 8:00 pm. Pretty soon Thanksgiving will be treated as just another shopping day. This corporate speak from Kathee Tesija of Target is priceless, “Opening at 9 p.m. gives Target’s Black Friday guests a more convenient way to create an after-dinner shopping event that the entire family can enjoy.” Providing their ‘guests’ with a ‘shopping event’? Puke! Of course, if it saves the life of an obnoxious relative from another family member who had nowhere else to go, then I’ll have to recant.
Business is often ’bout speed
But sometimes you wonder the need,
Now turkey and pie day
Is part of Black Friday,
Nothing says Thanksgiving like greed!
This must be the 'family shopping event'.
Yeah baby! Another World Series championship for the San Francisco Giants. This was a great comeback from early adversity against the Cincinnati Reds and St. Louis Cardinals. I only wish Detroit had put up a better fight. I think the five day layoff dulled their edge. Whatever, we’re riding high in the City by the Bay and enjoying every minute of it. Congratulations to the World Champion San Francisco Giants!
With the Reds, they came from behind
And the Cardinals were dealt with in kind
But the best was for last
As Detroit was swept past
And a World Series victory enshrined.
Mama mia! The scientific community is up in arms over the sentencing of six Italian scientists to jail terms for not predicting an earthquake. While some are characterizing this as a conviction for ‘miscommunication’, the rest of the world is not buying it. Many are equating this to the Vatican’s censure of Galileo’s theories about the earth revolving around the Sun which went against church dogma. He was allowed to continue his research but not allowed to communicate his findings. Let’s hope that more intelligent judges will hear the pending appeals.
The earthquake was without a prediction
So the judges handed down a conviction
And we learn once again
From a small group of men
That ignorance is not Science Fiction
The world’s finance leaders all met…again…on Saturday to address Europe’s debt troubles. The result of this high-powered, greatest financial minds, super-confab was (drum roll please)…a checklist! That’s right…a checklist. All we need to do now is check off the items on this list and all our problems will be solved. I’d be depressed if it wasn’t so damned funny!
A ‘checklist’ was the final result
When the financiers met to consult,
Is so lilliputian
They’d do better to practice the occult.
In case you were wondering why nothing ever changes on Wall Street, check out this article. Congress passed the Dodd-Frank law to reign in abusive practices on Wall Street. After failing to get the law repealed, Wall Street is now using the courts to strike down the regulations as soon as they are drafted. The complexity of our environment is rendering it unmanageable which means greed will continue to rule. This can’t end well.
You might think our system of rules
Is one of our best working tools,
But with laws’ so complex
Have a way of making us fools.
While the NFL keeps trying to put a positive spin on the replacement referees, the rest of us are not buying it. The games are changing quickly, and not for the better, as players and teams learn how easy it’s becoming to ‘stretch the rules’ with the inexperienced and over-wrought replacements. The latest debacle in Seattle is a precursor of more to come. I don’t know all of what the striking refs are asking for but it can’t be that much because there aren’t that many of them. It always amazes me how even the very rich (NFL team owners) still raise the bar for greed.
The NFL holds tight to its purse
With talk that is singularly terse,
But a casual observer
Sees fans losing fervor
As replacements just keep getting worse.
Poor William and Kate. Those pesky paparazzi are everywhere! Now that the whole world has seen her topless pictures (or at least those of us who care), they are trying to sue the various publishers. “I want them jailed,” William told pals. Sorry dude. Fame has a price and sometimes you just have to ‘pay the piper’. I guess being rich, famous and heir to the to the throne just ain’t what it used to be.
Prince William and Kate came unglued
When their vacation pictures debuted
In a magazine spread,
Now they’re both seeing red
‘Bout sunbathing outside in the nude.
But we learned from the pictures we viewed
There is only one thing to conclude,
And high cultivation
It seems that dear Kate is no prude.
Payton Manning is back and heating it up in Denver! It was a pleasure watching him dissect the Pittsburgh defense. It was quite a coup to bring him to Denver (thank John Elway) and he looks healthy and firing on all cylinders. Needless to say I’m a huge Denver Bronco fan and have been since I was ‘knee high to a duck’. It looks to be a fun and exciting football season!
While none of his doctors said stop
He worried about skills that would drop,
But now Peyton Manning
Is in Denver planning
To play his way back to the top.
Why does it seem that school boards attract more than their share of conservative dunderheads? Maybe because it’s all about the children (sic). An eastern Pennsylvania school board suspended two students for wearing bracelets supporting breast cancer that read “I heart boobies”. They maintain the word boobies is vulgar. Really? They should look it up in the dictionary like the three judge panel did when they ruled in favor of the students. The word boobies is no more offensive than Hooters! A waste of time and money. Throw these bums out!
A school board in Penn. must be newbies
‘Cause instead of a lookout for doobies
They’re trying to ban
As hard as they can
A bracelet that reads “I heart boobies”.
Russia is still a bad place. They flaunt democracy while wielding power the same way they’ve done for decades. The trial for the Pussy Riot punk rock band would be a joke if not such a travesty. They are not the first or the last people to suffer at the hands of this repressive government. Freedom of speech will be a long, hard road in Russia. Be careful over there.
The punk band will suffer detention
From their brazen social dissension.
You need to beware
When poking the bear
As you may soon regret it’s attention.
The GOP has picked Paul Ryan as the running mate for Mitt Romney. They’re like two pigs in a poke. A couple of multi-millionaires trying to pass themselves off as ‘regular Joe’s’. Not going to happen. These guys are bought and paid for by corporate America. Hopefully, the American public is catching on to the fact that the Republican party is not interested in the well being of the country but only the well being of the Republican party. One can only hope.
With the country in a state of ill health
The Republicans hope via stealth
To win the election
And extend the protection
For those blessed with privilege and wealth.