The retailers are hoping to see
The rush of a late shopping spree
‘Cause their best Christmas joys
Are not Santa’s toys
But a bottom line fatter than he.

Christmas is a time to defuse
The discomfort from reading the news.
If the rest of the year
Could see Christmas cheer
We might be surprised what ensues.

With the last present gone from the sled
“Back home” shouted Santa and sped,
‘Cause now his new aims
Are not Reindeer games
But Mrs. Clause warming the bed.

The good food and family instill
A feeling of peace and goodwill.
But for all your good cheer
To last through the year
Will depend on your credit card bill.

Santa is soon on his way
Bringing toys for the kids Christmas day.
Despite all his freight
He’s never been late
‘Cause he never goes thru TSA.

Some call Climate Change a cliche
But Santa knows better than they.
He sees ice receding
And knows he’ll be needing
A set of pontoons for his sleigh.

The Union of Elves did extol
More days off and stockings with coal.
But Santa Claus knows
If production still slows
He’ll outsource it to the South Pole.

I hear Santa has gotten quite mad
At a hacker Elf with his iPad
Who stole all his lists,
WikiLeaks now insists
They’ll publish who’s good and who’s bad.

The crowd at the mall raised the bar
As the biggest this Christmas by far.
But would you believe
As I started to leave
I’d forgotten where I parked the car!

I pretended to not hear her beckon
But it bought me no more than a second
Before more haranguing
To get the lights hanging
Or it’s coal in my stocking, I’ll reckon.

Most Christians are quite unaware
That the end of December is where
The age-old tradition
Is solstice transition,
So Jesus will just have to share.

While Santa’s preparing his sleigh
For the work it must do Christmas day,
The reindeer’s foreboding
Is not what they’re loading
But Santa’s third breakfast buffet.

It’s the time of the year reindeer dread
Pulling hard on that big, heavy sled.
Just once they all pine
Fedex ‘em this time
And let us spend Christmas in bed.

Some elves have been working so hard
That the back of their hands become scarred.
But not a whine you will hear
When the big man is near
As they hold him in such high regard.

Mrs. Claus has a role, don’t you know,
Making cutouts and rolling the dough,
‘Cause the elves on their breaks
Need cookies and cakes
Without which they’re clumsy and slow.

When NORADs alert goes to high
They know Santa’s sleigh’s in the sky.
Though nary a trace
If troubles apace
A Fighter escort’s on standby.

One Christmas I had such a scare
Spying  Santa and Mom in our chair.
She seemed to be probing
As he was disrobing.
She’ll not find our presents down there!

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