There once was a God who all seeing
Insisted we worship his being,
But pray as we might
For help with our plight
Did not guarantee our wellbeing.

Which then begs the question as why
To worship this eye in the sky,
If he never prevents
The chain of events
Then he’s neither a friend or ally.

So we’re sliding down life’s slippery slope
With no help from a preacher or Pope
And it seems even Jesus
Just does what he pleases
With no one to throw us a rope.

You can pine, you can whine or bemoan
The answers to questions unknown,
But we still have our brains
And a heart that contains
Enough love so we thrive on our own.

Ms. Bachman talks fast and too loose
And treats the real facts with abuse,
Whatever her plan
She’s a flash in the pan
And soon we’ll be cooking her goose.

Michelle Bachman has entered the race
And early has carved out a space
But her verbal miscues
And fictional views
Show many she’s just a head case.

A women while walking the mall
Went splash! when she’d taken a fall.
It’s hardly perplexing
To learn she was texting
And didn’t see the fountain at all.

The Starbuck’ers are ready to dish
Their logo opinions and wish
To know why the change,
Although it sounds strange
Is their new business selling us fish?

The crowd at the mall raised the bar
As the biggest this Christmas by far.
But would you believe
As I started to leave
I’d forgotten where I parked the car!

I pretended to not hear her beckon
But it bought me no more than a second
Before more haranguing
To get the lights hanging
Or it’s coal in my stocking, I’ll reckon.

Most Christians are quite unaware
That the end of December is where
The age-old tradition
Is solstice transition,
So Jesus will just have to share.

While Santa’s preparing his sleigh
For the work it must do Christmas day,
The reindeer’s foreboding
Is not what they’re loading
But Santa’s third breakfast buffet.

And when you find yourself in trouble and you’re stuck in a situation that you can’t get out of, there is one thing you should always remember…….

Not everyone who shows up…….
is there to help you!!!!

Opportunity will often awaken
Desires that we know are mistaken.
But if you’ve got the balls
Some booty calls
Are just simply there to be taken.

The old year will pass with some sorrow
And the new year will most likely borrow
Much of the same.
It’s a calendar game,
Not a start or and end but tomorrow.

The limerick, with it’s own special day
Has decidedly come a long way.
It delivers a rhyme
That bounces in time
With a finish in clever word play.

My limericks are part to critique
And part to dispel the mystique
Of leadership folk
Whose antics I poke
‘Cause they’re not really all that unique.

The Apple faithful just love their new toys,
You can tell from their pandering noise.
With devotees prodigious
It’s almost religious.
At least they’re not abusing young boys.

Steve Jobs has been known to deliver
The products that make us all quiver
Though the iPod and iPhone
Are nothing to moan
I can’t wait for the new iLiver.

Finally, you can get the iPad
And see if the real thing will add
A different perspective
Than the Apple collective.
Is it fruitful or just an iFad?

Not a limerick but one of my personal favorites.

Our Father who art in Cupertino,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy products come,
Thy marketing be done,
In Best Buy as it is in Walmart.
Give us this day a new ‘i’ something.
And forgive us our Zune and Windows,
As we forgive Microsoft.
And lead us not into an open architecture,
But deliver us from Google.
For thine is the iPhone, the iMac and iPod for ever.
Amen.

Said a wife after sex “who are you?
I can’t seem to remember our screw.
I’m no longer turned on
And my headache is gone.
It must have been good for me too.”

Some researchers with too much time on their hands.

It seems that the phrase we ‘had sex’
Is suddenly much more complex.
I supposed ‘getting laid’
Will have to be weighed
To see if it too will perplex.

No one buys the ‘small’ size condoms.

An ill-fitting condom in tatters
Will create undesirable splatters.
I’m sure you’ll agree
Good fit is the key,
So here is where size really matters.

This guy is a complete idiot…and he’s still the Governor.

Some think that there is nothing finer
Than a sweet Argentina vagina.
If you take me to task
I’ll just have you ask
The Governor of South Carolina.

The guy is a complete idiot (Tiger)…but he’s still a good golfer.

On the course, he’s in total command
But at night he’s a slave to his gland.
Instead of a thrust
To fulfill his lust,
He should have just lent it a hand.

Some Somalia pirates, thought sly,
Were caught when their attack went awry.
Their target ahead
Was French Navy instead.
Their patch must have been on the wrong eye.

Another Oops when these pilots overran their airport and had to turn around.

Their excuses are getting quite worn
And viewed with derision and scorn.
The pilots won’t say
What led them astray
But I think they were surfing for porn.

He must have taken hiding lessons from Saddam Hussein!

The leader of a Mafia group,
Was caught by police in a swoop
On a small poultry farm.
He heard no alarm
As the chickens had all ‘flown the coop’

How come every time a devout Christian screws up it’s a test? I didn’t know God was so big on pop quizzes.

She had hoped to win Miss USA
But her plans went famously astray.
If showing her breasts
Was one of God’s tests,
Did she flunk or did she get an ‘A’?

This is just weird.

What’s the purpose in keeping the bones
From a person who’s famously known?
It macabre at best
And my only guess
Is we’re planning to make him a clone.

This is just sad…but damn funny!

By all looks she was kind and appeared
A Muslim young women who neared
Her wedding night bed
‘Til the veil on her head,
Was removed and uncovered her beard.