The old year will pass with some sorrow
And the new year will most likely borrow
Much of the same.
It’s a calendar game,
Not a start or and end but tomorrow.

The limerick, with it’s own special day
Has decidedly come a long way.
It delivers a rhyme
That bounces in time
With a finish in clever word play.

My limericks are part to critique
And part to dispel the mystique
Of leadership folk
Whose antics I poke
‘Cause they’re not really all that unique.

The Apple faithful just love their new toys,
You can tell from their pandering noise.
With devotees prodigious
It’s almost religious.
At least they’re not abusing young boys.

Steve Jobs has been known to deliver
The products that make us all quiver
Though the iPod and iPhone
Are nothing to moan
I can’t wait for the new iLiver.

Finally, you can get the iPad
And see if the real thing will add
A different perspective
Than the Apple collective.
Is it fruitful or just an iFad?

Not a limerick but one of my personal favorites.

Our Father who art in Cupertino,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy products come,
Thy marketing be done,
In Best Buy as it is in Walmart.
Give us this day a new ‘i’ something.
And forgive us our Zune and Windows,
As we forgive Microsoft.
And lead us not into an open architecture,
But deliver us from Google.
For thine is the iPhone, the iMac and iPod for ever.
Amen.

Said a wife after sex “who are you?
I can’t seem to remember our screw.
I’m no longer turned on
And my headache is gone.
It must have been good for me too.”

Some researchers with too much time on their hands.

It seems that the phrase we ‘had sex’
Is suddenly much more complex.
I supposed ‘getting laid’
Will have to be weighed
To see if it too will perplex.

No one buys the ’small’ size condoms.

An ill-fitting condom in tatters
Will create undesirable splatters.
I’m sure you’ll agree
Good fit is the key,
So here is where size really matters.

This guy is a complete idiot…and he’s still the Governor.

Some think that there is nothing finer
Than a sweet Argentina vagina.
If you take me to task
I’ll just have you ask
The Governor of South Carolina.

The guy is a complete idiot (Tiger)…but he’s still a good golfer.

On the course, he’s in total command
But at night he’s a slave to his gland.
Instead of a thrust
To fulfill his lust,
He should have just lent it a hand.

Some Somalia pirates, thought sly,
Were caught when their attack went awry.
Their target ahead
Was French Navy instead.
Their patch must have been on the wrong eye.

Another Oops when these pilots overran their airport and had to turn around.

Their excuses are getting quite worn
And viewed with derision and scorn.
The pilots won’t say
What led them astray
But I think they were surfing for porn.

He must have taken hiding lessons from Saddam Hussein!

The leader of a Mafia group,
Was caught by police in a swoop
On a small poultry farm.
He heard no alarm
As the chickens had all ‘flown the coop’

How come every time a devout Christian screws up it’s a test? I didn’t know God was so big on pop quizzes.

She had hoped to win Miss USA
But her plans went famously astray.
If showing her breasts
Was one of God’s tests,
Did she flunk or did she get an ‘A’?

This is just weird.

What’s the purpose in keeping the bones
From a person who’s famously known?
It macabre at best
And my only guess
Is we’re planning to make him a clone.

This is just sad…but damn funny!

By all looks she was kind and appeared
A Muslim young women who neared
Her wedding night bed
‘Til the veil on her head,
Was removed and uncovered her beard.

The Catholic church as we know
Can stage quite an intricate show.
Pomp and incense,
Doesn’t have to make sense
‘Cause they’re making it up as they go.

Believing in God is not that same as practicing Religion.

Religion, though thought an adviser
Instead is much more like a miser.
Holding to scripture
Despite the wrong picture,
It’s older but not any wiser.

Every Religion has their holy books but they can’t all be right.

If Bibles for porn have been traded
You might think that terribly jaded.
Holy word or just prose?
No one really knows,
So it’s hard to tell when they’re degraded.

The leaders of the Muslim faith should be held responsible for the hate they preach.

The trouble with Islam is Clerics
Whose goal is to foster hysterics.
Threaten their power
And then watch them cower
And inflame other men to barbarics.

A letter for Letterman arrives,
With an extortion request inside.
Threatening to make news
By pandering to prudes,
Stupidity and morals collide.

Everybody should help save breasts!

For young men it’s an oft’ dreamed of place,
With memories they cannot erase.
We all can relate
So step up to the plate.
Don’t let breast cancer steal second base.

Duh!

Early man was in much better shape,
As his lifestyle was much less sedate.
You workout everyday
When you are the prey,
And running is used to escape.

Now if we could only convince them that more sex will make them look younger.

Women want to see their weight shrinking
Now there’s help from a study that’s linking,
Weight loss to booze.
Now you can lose
Those unwanted pounds while you’re drinking.

They’re only harming themselves…and those who see them.

I can sense the frustration with food
But don’t think that it warrants a feud.
Just being obese
Doesn’t threaten the peace,
The real harm is in seeing them nude.

Health Care reform’s in a funk
It’s once broad support, now shrunk
Voters by far
Prefer cash for a car
How ironic if it ends with a clunk.

There is no accounting for the nut-bags in Arizona.

The spaceship lit by it’s corona
Suggested a foreign persona.
So do we embrace
This alien race?
Or direct them towards Arizona.

There is no accounting for why we’re still in Afghanistan.

Genghis Khan, the Russians and Brits,
All invaded and then called it quits.
A small piece of turf
On the ass of the Earth.
Afghanistan keeps giving us fits.

Every time you try to change something in Washington there’s always some group of Congressmen opposed.

Said Obama, “no man-on-the-moon,
It’s time to be changing our tune.”
To see their pork barrel
Put in such peril
Has Congressmen starting to swoon.

“We improved it” says Facebook to users,
While fending off other accusers.
But they’re nothing but tricks
For trying to get clicks
‘Cause they’re not making money on schmoozers.

Expanding offshore drilling is dead. End of discussion.

I think the conclusions foregone
Some idioms must be withdrawn.
The first one to kill
Is drill baby drill
‘Cause that one is gone baby gone.

This was amusing. The government approved a space heater with a feather duster glued to the top.

The EnergyStar label should say,
“In no way should this label convey
We’ve checked out as green
Or even have seen
The product you see on display”.

I wrote this a while back but posted it right before the recent stock market swoon.

The trend is your friend ’till the end
And often it’s straining to send,
A message that’s clear
“Get out of here!”
The only part missing is ‘when’.

There once was a fellow named Vick
Whose legalese wasn’t that slick
No billions in fraud
He bet fighting dogs
And fetched the short end of the stick.

Soon after the Olympic Committee selected Rio then riots erupted between gangs and Police.

My picture of Rio’s not pretty.
A crowed and crime-ridden city.
Gang wars affirm
There’s reason to squirm
Inside the Olympic Committee.

This ad-hoc golf course in the de-militarized zone is probably getting more attention and less play these days.

The course is between both Koreas
And to play it is no panacea
For the boredom and stress.
Still…the soldiers attest
‘Hats off’ to one crazy idea.

Saints win the Super Bowl! Enough said.

The Colts had their chances to score
But New Orleans came through with one more.
When the final gun sounded
The world was astounded,
The Saints aren’t the ain’ts anymore.

Our Father who art in Cupertino,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy products come,
Thy marketing be done,
In Best Buy as it is in Walmart.
Give us this day a new ‘i’ something.
And forgive us our Zune and Windows,
As we forgive Microsoft.
And lead us not into an open architecture,
But deliver us from Google.
For thine is the iPhone, the iMac and iPod for ever.
Amen.