Cool Limerick Poems » Lifestyle

Florida Man is Daddy Dearest

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 11:00:43 +0000

This is a great story about a man who adopted his girlfriend to help protect his assets from a lawsuit. It’s an unusual move that has thrown a wrench into the proceedings. I’m still not sure about all the legal mumbo-jumbo but one things for certain…bedtime might be a little different.

A man with a lawsuit to win
Made his girlfriend his daughter and kin,
But since she’s adopted
At night has he opted
To screw her or just tuck her in?

Airport Security Has An Occasional Perk

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 11:00:00 +0000

These young ladies are having fun! Scampering around France in nothing but their pretty little underwear. I particularly like this one in the airport. I’ve always wanted to see attractive women strip down to almost nothing before going through the scanners. Emphasis on ‘attractive’ as most of the women I stand behind…well, lets just say the more clothes the better. Life is so unfair!

A young lady from France caused a scare
At airport security where
Things were alarming
‘Though she quite disarming
In naught but her chic underwear.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 11:00:46 +0000

What some guys will do for love is astounding…and sometimes painful. A young Iranian man decided to send his lover a message she could read over and over again. He would even deliver it right to her (ahem) doorstep. Unfortunately, there were some uncomfortable side effects that put Viagra to shame. There are way too many fools to think only one is born per minute!

A man from Iran thought he knew
The best way to say ‘I love you’,
Turns out he was wrong
And damaged his schlong
When he ordered a penis tattoo.

MythBusters Bust Up a House

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 11:00:22 +0000

MythBusters was in town recently and caused quite a commotion. Seems a shot from a Civil War era cannon skipped thru the protective barricades and barreled through a neighborhood. It hit a driveway, crashed through the front door, exited the house through a back wall then landed in a car! (or something like that). Luckily, no one was hurt. It’s no myth those things still pack a punch.

The TV show had a close call
When shooting an old cannon ball.
While no myth was busted
A shot maladjusted
Left a hole through door and a wall.

Black Friday Keeps Getting Darker

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 11:00:00 +0000

Another Black Friday has come and gone with only a couple of murders and some pepper spray. All in the name of a few bucks off an Xbox, Wii or some other non-essential electronic gadget. It’s consumerism run amuck. Eventually, Black Friday will steamroll Thanksgiving until the only turkeys left will be those standing in line at Walmart.

Black Friday’s a dark, sordid tale
Of seeking the new holy grail.
For a price you can’t beat
Some shoppers would eat
Their young if they found them on sale.

New Cloaking Device Makes Things Invisible

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 10:00:02 +0000

This is a very interesting article about a machine that can create an invisibility cloak using the same science as found in mirages. While the movies usually refer to mirages when someone is lost in the desert, we see them mostly when driving down a highway on a hot day. They often look like pools of water on the road. The machine is still in its early stages and works best underwater but the potential is there. While walking around with an invisibility cloak may sound fun, there are some problems that would quickly need to be addressed, especially about the undressed.

The chance we could travel unseen
Sounds good but a problem I glean
Is invisible cloaks
For regular folks
Would quickly turn lewd and obscene.

Does God Know About Somalia?

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 10:00:20 +0000

Why isn’t God in Somalia? They’ve been beaten down, impoverished, starved, shot, macheted and now blown up. If any country deserves some help, this is it. Of course it will never happen. God is a perennial no show. Which begs the question, if he’s not going to help Somalia, who will he help?

There once was a God who all seeing
Insisted we worship his being,
But pray as we might
For help with our plight
Did not guarantee our wellbeing.

Which then begs the question as why
To worship this eye in the sky,
If he never prevents
The chain of events
Then he’s neither a friend or ally.

So we’re sliding down life’s slippery slope
With no help from a preacher or Pope
And it seems even Jesus
Just does what he pleases
With no one to throw us a rope.

You can pine, you can whine or bemoan
The answers to questions unknown,
But we still have our brains
And a heart that contains
Enough love so we thrive on our own.

The Tea Party Apparently Likes Fruit

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 10:00:04 +0000

The Tea Partiers have been real quiet lately. Their call to shrink government only seems to surface when it’s something that doesn’t directly affect them. Not a surprise given most of them accept Medicare or Social Security payments. That’s why this movement has no legs. Their hypocrisy and transparency are glaringly evident. I’ve devised a test to see if they’re really serious about living with less government support…

The Tea Party desires to hem
Our Governments’ growth to stem
Their concern over spending,
So we should be sending
All of our cantaloupe to them.

OnStar is Off Base

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 10:00:13 +0000

The folks at OnStar have risen to new heights of marketing madness. They track all kinds of data on your car such as performance, location, speed, etc. Problem is, when you unsubscribe to the service, they still track you anyway! Their lame excuse is “we have no plans to sell your info to any third parties, we just need to do a better job of communicating to our customers”. Here’s an idea: don’t track people who unsubscribe and take it out of your Terms and Conditions! Sheeze…do they think we’re really that stupid? The service is way overpriced anyway and anyone who subscribes to it is a chump. We don’t always get what we pay for but often get what we deserve..

OnStar will track where you go
And pretend like it’s just status quo,
But while playing the savior
They’re tracking behavior
To sell it to others for dough.

This is One Cool (and Hot) Kat

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:00:32 +0000

Bad news in Hollywood relationship land. Kat Von D and Jesse James have broken up again. This one may be final. We’ll know for sure when she covers that tattoo of his name (if we can even tell!). I have to admit, though, I like all those tattoos and that deep sexy voice. She deserves better than that bonehead who cheated on Sandra Bullock. And what’s with the name…it sounds a bit lame…to be calling yourself Jesse James.

Their reunion has again fallin’ flat
And appears to be more than a spat,
If her clothes she won’t doff
With the wedding called off
It would seem that’s the last tit for tat.