March 10, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Good news for women! Moderate alcohol intake can help keep those pounds off. It doesn’t get any better than that. Get a buzz and lose weight. I’d like to see a partner study that says increased sexual activity makes women look younger. Then we’ll have women getting drunk and demanding sex! Sometimes science can be a wonderful thing.
Women want to see their weight shrinking
Now there’s help from a study that’s linking,
Weight loss to booze.
Now you can lose
Those unwanted pounds while you’re drinking.
March 9, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Here’s a lady in New York who’s upset with a t-shirt that reads, “I may not be an Irish girl but I drink like one”. What’s the big deal? St. Paddy’s day is just around the corner and every bar that begins with the letter ‘O’ will be serving out beer as fast as they can pour it. “Why can’t they quote Oscar Wilde or say something positive”, she whines. Simple, Oscar Wilde is not funny (or as sexy) as the thought of drunk Irish girls. It’s called humor and people that get the joke have a ’sense of humor’. Jeez…sometimes I feel like I have to explain everything. Don’t worry lady, if you match the stereotype we’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing with you…unless you’re not laughing in which case we ARE laughing at you.
Humor has a mandate to poke
At the way people see other folk.
If a slogan on a shirt
Gets a burr up your skirt
Then you’re now the ‘butt’ of the joke.
March 8, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Researchers at the Kinsey Institute have found a surprising range of answers for the meaning of the phrase ‘had sex’. It was all pretty straight forward until Bill Clinton tried to single-handedly change the definition. Intercourse, oral, anal, other? I’ll not despair. Call it anything you want…I know what it is when I get it.
It seems that the phrase we ‘had sex’
Is suddenly much more complex.
I supposed ‘getting laid’
Will have to be weighed
To see if it too will perplex.
March 4, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Here’s a good way to get people riled up…trade their holy text for porn! That’s what this Atheist group wants to do and the Christians are up in arms. It’s not just Bibles though. They’ll also accept Korans or Vedas (Hindu holy writings) so it seems like all religions are being treated equally. The problem with holy books is that they’re reverential to some but pure fiction to others so it’s hard to put a universal value on them. What’s the answer? Tolerance. You have your beliefs and I have mine…and “n’er the twain shall meet”.
If Bibles for porn have been traded
You might think that terribly jaded.
Holy word or just prose?
No one really knows,
So it’s hard to tell when they’re degraded.
February 17, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Here’s some news you can use. According to researchers, when it comes to condoms, one size does not fit all. Didn’t we already know that? Apparently men are taking them off because they’re uncomfortable due to poor fit vs. they just don’t want to wear them in the first place. So you need to make sure you get the right size to fit your particular ..er…shape. This could cause sales of the extra large size to decrease dramatically.
An ill-fitting condom in tatters
Will create undesirable splatters.
I’m sure you’ll agree
Good fit is the key,
So here is where size really matters.
January 25, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Thanks to the dedicated work from this group of scientists we now know that sitting too long is not healthy. Duh! I’d like to believe I could whip myself into shape by sitting on my ass but even I know that doesn’t work. Of course there are lots on infomercials that tell me I can but then again…they’re infomercials. Now we have a group of scientists stating the obvious. Maybe if they try real hard they can invent the wheel!
Cholesterol, tobacco and fat
Are things that we need to combat.
But ’sitting’ to long
Doesn’t make you grow strong?
I don’t need to be told to know that!
January 11, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Good column about how Religion treats women i.e. poorly. It’s almost as if these religious tomes were written a hundred years ago. Wait…they were written even longer ago that that! So what happens when we all follow the ideals and moral values of people from the 4th century and pretend we haven’t learned a thing? Voila…religious dogma…all the answers without all those pesky questions.
Religion, though thought an adviser
Instead is much more like a miser.
Holding to scripture
Despite the wrong picture,
It’s older but not any wiser.
January 7, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
This city in China is a center for making Violins. With at least nine factories and over 150 shops, it’s the livelihood for most of the people. Now they’re embarked on a project to teach more children how to play. With all the effort spent making them, someone should know how to play the darn things. Of course, it’s the children who are doing all the playing. After 12 hours a day in a Chinese factory making everything by hand, the workers’ hands are too worn out to play.
In this city, the Violin brings
A livelihood from making the things.
As orders keep coming
Their economy’s humming
Though it literally ‘hangs by a string’.
January 4, 2010
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 4:01 am
Here we go off into a new year. Lot’s of hoopla and reflection ad infinitum. I always thought if you want to change something then do it now. Waiting for a calendar event seems more like stalling. Either way Father Time doesn’t know the difference. He just marches inexorably on. One day at a time is all we we can hope for so let’s make each one count.
The old year will pass with some sorrow
And the new will most likely borrow
Much of the same.
It’s a calendar game
Not a start or and end but tomorrow.
December 17, 2009
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
I’ve been waiting for hydrogen powered cars to show up and it looks like Mercedes is ready to go. It’s still limited production but you have to start somewhere. It runs using a fuel cell to power an electric motor that produces pure water and zero emissions! There is still a lot of work to do before anything like this makes an impact on our carbon footprint. Distribution of hydrogen so drivers can refuel is one very big issue but at least we can still use the phrase “I’m running out of gas”.
If hydrogen as a fuel would spread
Then our fear of carbon would shed
It’s doomsday appeal.
Now reductions are real
So we’re leaner and greener instead.
November 25, 2009
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
“The times they are a changing”. Cannabis College in Detroit teaches everything you need to know about growing marijuana. They also have classes in harvesting, curing and distribution. So cool! Michigan recently legalized the drug for medicinal purposes. There are probably only a few jobs that would benefit with this on your resume…but I’ll bet they’re very interesting jobs.
I discovered a school that has got
A curriculum, probably not
Found in most schools.
They’re teaching the tools
For a degree with a major in Pot.
November 10, 2009
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
There’s a directory on the Internet called DMOZ. It’s used by Google and others to index various websites. Getting into this directory is a great way to get new traffic and more exposure for a new website. Problem is, these folks are dysfunctional. Once you submit your site for inclusion, it could take “two days or two years” to get it reviewed! I understand they’re staffed by volunteers but that’s ridiculous. So this site is hanging in limbo and that kind of nonsense deserves a limerick…in this case two…which I sent them in good humor.
“In fourteen hundred and ninety two
Columbus sailed the ocean blue”,
The same year, to wit,
I did submit,
My site to DMOZ for review.
In the year of our Lord 402,
I submitted my site to you.
At the time it was sent,
I had used parchment.
Should I resend my request anew?
November 6, 2009
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
Time for a little pat on the back. I just had my first limerick accepted by the OEDILF (The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form). It’s a mouthful alright. Their project is to create a limerick for every word in the dictionary. They’re currently working on Aa – Di. Anyone can join and submit limericks but be prepared…these folks are good! Your limerick needs to have perfect meter, rhyme, syllable accents, a good punch line and define the word in question. It’s great fun and very challenging with a good group of people. I’m just getting started but look forward to many more contributions. Check out their site for some great limericks. As I said, these folks are the best.
It was breed more than speed that I sought,
So at auction I tried to allot
Enough for two mares
And a stallion for heirs,
But a gelding is all that I got.
November 4, 2009
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
I recently had the ‘opportunity’ to renew my subscription to one of the local newspapers. The new price was 400% higher than last year. I decided to let it lapse (a no-brainer) but then received a bill for the latest month that was automatically renewed at the higher rate. What gall! When I refused to pay, they threatened collection. More gall! Needless to say, I did not renew my subscription and they will never see another penny from me. Poor management can always slide by when things are going well but when trouble hits, the morons float to the top like drowned rats.
Newspapers are losing revenue.
So they think they can get more from you.
Readerships dropping
And subscriptions are stopping.
Somebody should read them their news.
October 21, 2009
Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am
An Australian anthropologist has concluded that ancient man was in much better physical shape than we are today. Duh! Which lifestyle is more active, sitting on your butt in front of a video screen or chasing (or being chased), by various forms of four-legged wildlife? I’ll give you the answer in four years after I finish my Anthropology degree.
Early man was in much better shape,
As his lifestyle was much less sedate.
You workout everyday
When you are the prey,
And running is used to escape.
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