Cool Limerick Poems » Events

How Not To Get A Monkey Off Your Back

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 13:24:59 +0000

Banana-Sam, the missing squirrel monkey, has been returned to the San Francisco zoo. He was kidnapped? two nights ago and a reward was posted for his return. A man walked into the police station and told officers he spotted the monkey in a park and managed to coax it into his backpack. Unfortunately, the zoo’s assistant curator of primates says that’s “not likely”. Squirrel monkeys are skittish and not the type to willingly hop into a backpack. The police also thought the story sounded a little suspicious so no reward money has been given out. The man who found him may have turned in one monkey, but now has another monkey on his back.

Banana Sam was a little to spunky
And the story a little to funky
So instead of an ending
The reward is still pending
As the business of capture sounds monkey.

The War In Iraq: A Sad Piece Of American History

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 11:00:34 +0000

The War in Iraq has officially been ended…whatever that means. We still have troops, bases and commitments that will continue to drain our resources and treasury. This war can only be described as an unmitigated disaster…or in the words of Clint Eastwood…a gigantic clusterfuck! The lies, the arrogance, the stupidity of the American people to re-elect George Bush all make this one of the lowest points in American history. It continues to amaze me when looking around the world or back through history, how small groups of evil, misguided or ignorant people can cause so much death, damage and destruction. We still have a long way to go.

Though the war in Iraq has now ended
Those responsible still are defended.
With waste on a scale
That colors us pale
It’s left scars that will never be mended.

Will The Occupy Protest Head To Florida?

Sat, 12 Nov 2011 11:00:47 +0000

The Occupy protest seems to be losing some support especially here on the west coast. Their nebulous demands don’t lend themselves to a quick solution, or for that matter, any solution at all. While they may be a part of the 99%, they can’t claim to represent a group that large and diverse. Regardless, their momentum now will mostly be determined by whether then can weather the weather.

Though I can’t tell which way the winds blowing
The Occupy protest is growing,
But despite what’s been said
There’s trouble ahead
When winter comes and it starts snowing.

Terrorists Are Lightweights, China Is The Real Threat

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 10:00:50 +0000

I get frustrated with our overt fear of terrorist attacks. All they’ve ever been able to do is sneak up every ten years and blow up a building or two. Now I don’t like to see that happen and the 9/11 attacks were a tragedy, but terrorists will never, I repeat never, threaten the stability or integrity of our country. They’re just small groups of zealots who will always be around and we just have to deal with it. The real threat is China!

They have the capability and desire to do significantly more damage to our country. It’s currently being played out in cyberspace so it’s mostly invisible and the human cost is negligible, but we shouldn’t be lulled into complacency. They know the best way to damage our country is from within. In the future, a Chinese virus might be more deadly than an American bomb.

The source of our countries unease
Is a fear of Islamic draftees,
But a much bigger threat
Sneaks in on the Net
As a hacker who’s speaking Chinese.

Goodbye Gadhafi

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 10:00:51 +0000

With any luck at all we’re finally rid of Moammar Gadhafi. The man looks, acts and was the epitome of an evil dictator. I’m always amazed at how much damage a single individual can do. The challenge now is for Libya to forge a new government. It won’t be easy. It’s a sad truth that many of these third world countries are not ready or able to build democracies. Like Iraq, the descend into old tribal, ethnic and religious rivalry’s. But hope springs eternal and at least we don’t have to look at Gadhafi’s ugly mug anymore.

It looks like Gadhafi is through
And with no last goodbye or adieu,
He’ll run for his life
With his aides and his wife
And I’m hoping his hairdresser too!

I've seen homeless people look better than this!

Stock Market Train Wreck

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 10:00:54 +0000

Ouch! That is a gross understatement for what’s happening in the Stock Market. In retrospect you can always see the warning signs but that’s just 20-20 hindsight. The market is so emotion driven it’s hard to tell exactly when everyone will panic. At least when they yell “fire!” in a crowded theater you know what’s coming…but it still doesn’t mean you can get out unscathed. All you can do now is wait it out as most of the damage has already been done. Easy to say, hard to do.

The stock market’s causing commotion
And dropping on mostly emotion,
But suffering the rout
If you didn’t get out
Is like watching a wreck in slow motion.

Afghanistan – The Armpit of the World

Fri, 24 Jun 2011 10:00:30 +0000

I love to read all the diligent ‘thinking’ that goes on about staying in Afghanistan. This place is the armpit of the world (Somalia would be the asshole). We’ve been stuck there for ten years and spent untold billions of dollars for what? So they can start shooting each other the minute we leave? The whole country is worth less than nothing except to Afgani’s. It’s time to give it back and go blow up somebody else’s country. Don’t worry…we’ll find one.

Through the ages they’ve made such a fuss
(Though the Afgans don’t think it’s a plus),
But invaders of old
Now laugh uncontrolled
‘Cause we can’t see the joke is on us.

Does Mark Zuckerberg Eat Alligator?

Tue, 31 May 2011 10:00:45 +0000

Mark Zuckerberg is taking on all the trappings of a young billionaire. He’s starting to get weird. His new ‘personal challenge’ is to eat only what he kills. All that money and that’s the best he can do? This kid will never be normal. If I look out ten years I can easily see him living in Neverland.

Zuckerberg has started to kill
The meat that he needs for his grill,
But first they’re unfriended
Before apprehended
And basted with mustard and dill.

Man in photo is NOT Mark Zuckerberg!

The Penis Problem

Wed, 25 May 2011 10:00:21 +0000

Let’s move away from Arnold Schwarzenegger and on to Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Another powerful man in a position of responsibility who can’t seem to manage his own penis. Where do we find these guys? How do they rise to the top (no pun intended)? I understand that we’re all human but some things are just not done out of basic courtesy and common sense. Like cheating with a dozen women while your wife is pregnant, fathering a love child and not telling your wife for 14 years and sexually assaulting hotel maids. Sheesh….do I have to explain everything?

You would think Dominique Strauss-Kahn
Would know better and keep his pants on
‘Cause chasing a filly
With a dangling willy
Is not a request but a cum-on.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Blind AND Stupid

Fri, 20 May 2011 12:53:08 +0000

Are you kidding Arnold? You cheated on Maria Shriver for her? Granted it’s 14 years later but still…I don’t think she ever looked good! Now you’ve got two women who will take you to the cleaners and nobody’s on your side. The next version of Terminator will be your bank account!

“Hasta la vista, baby”
Was Arnold’s catch phrase but maybe
Maria will shout
Now the secret is out,
“Watch-a me fleece-ya baby!”