Cool Limerick Poems » Events

Iran No Fan of Paul the Octopus

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:00:57 +0000

Paul the octopus of World Cup fame has a new detractor. Iranian President Amadinejad calls Paul a symbol of western decadence. Uuh…ok. Any other ridiculous assertions you’d like to make? How about the one where Iran has ‘free elections’? He should try to “aspire to human perfection”, as he puts it, by pulling his head out of his ass.

The head of Iran has objections
To a cephalopod’s soccer selections.
He’s still mad that it
Says he’s not legit
‘Cause he brazenly rigged his elections.

To Russia With Love

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 10:00:27 +0000

Looks like BP is sending CEO Tony Hayward to Siberia! Is that better than being fired? If I were him, I’d just prefer your basic ‘golden parachute’ and ride off into the sunset. You never know. Maybe he picked up a thirst for Vodka over the past few months.

The board at BP sees a muff
From Hayward who hasn’t the stuff
To simmer the boil
Over all the spilt oil,
It seems he’s not slippery enough.

Three Cups of Tea or Three Blind Mice?

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 10:00:04 +0000

An unlikely book, Three Cups of Tea, is making the rounds among our military leaders in Afghanistan. Apparently it helps reinforce the need to engage the Afghan elders to build bridges with the civilian population. One of their main concerns was casualties from stray American bombs. I’m not sure why we need a book to figure this out but then…I’m not a General.

The General said “Three Cups of Tea”
Is useful in helping us see
That we’re viewed with disdain
When civilians are slain.
I don’t need the book to agree.

Greed is an Impediment to Learning

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 10:00:53 +0000

This is a sad article that calls out the lessons unlearned from the Exxon Valdez incident some 21 years ago. This is a major fault with free markets…they are unwilling and unable to police themselves. You need the government to protect us from the damage and destruction they will cause in their dogged pursuit of ’shareholder value’. The real problems occur when these government regulators are ‘in bed’ with the companies they are supposed to regulate. I’m beginning to think that China has the right idea…execute the person in charge! You only have to do it once to get their attention.

Deepwater and Exxon Valdez (Val-deez)
Are cousins that show us that these
Companies don’t care
And rarely prepare
For the damage they cause to our seas.

Where is James Bond When You Need Him

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 10:00:52 +0000

Everyone’s all a-flutter over this Anna Chapman whose been arrested as a Russian spy. Why? Because she’s hot! Hot girls can do anything and it never detracts from their hotness…in her case it increases it! She looks straight out of a James Bond movie. If only we could…

Anna Chapman is one sexy spy
Whose espionage work went awry.
We should have used Bond
From over the Pond
And turned her into an ally.

Anna Chapman - Alleged Russian Spy

Handgun Ban Shot Down

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:00:18 +0000

The Supreme Court has said a complete ban on handguns is unconstitutional. This goes against many cities and communities who wanted to ban handguns to reduce violence. The problem is twofold. First, banning handguns does not reduce violent crime. Criminals get guns whenever they want them. Second, the constitution specifically calls out the right to bear arms. Seems like a no-brainer to me. I don’t own a gun but I still want the right to get one should I so desire.

Though cities and some states might frown
The Supreme Court’s decision was sound.
They ignored the alarms
To “keep and bear arms”
And voted to shoot the ban down.

Open Season on Japanese Whalers (and World Cup Soccer)

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 10:00:43 +0000

Once again Japan stands alone in opposing any restriction or ban on whaling. There is no reason to hunt whales. Not for oil or meat or anything else. It’s a small group of stubborn people in a small, stubborn nation. If you could get people to boycott Toyota’s or Playstation’s then this practice would end in a heartbeat. That’s not likely to happen so all we have left is the Sea Sheperds. I’ll bet their show on TLC will be renewed for another couple of seasons.

Japan seems intent upon whaling
Though all of the world is still railing
Against the abuse
Of the ‘research’ excuse,
It gives the Sea Shepard’s clear sailing.

No post is complete without a World Cup Limerick. Best of luck to my fans in Ghana…you’ll need it!

The U.S. and Ghana will meet
In a World Cup match to compete
For a chance to advance
And surely enhance
Their place in the Football elite.

The General is Shooting His Mouth Off

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 10:00:34 +0000

It’s hard to understand why some people do what they do. Take General Stanley McChrystal, commander of coalition forces in Afghanistan. He talks to a reporter from the Rolling Stone magazine as if they’re long time confidants. Did he think no one would read the article where he blasts the President’s Afghanistan team? My only conclusion is ‘brain fart’. A temporary disconnect of the brain from the mouth. Unfortunately, this one’s likely to get a lot worse than it smells.

With the Generals’ supporters at loss
His career will be gathering moss.
It’s hard to construe
‘Cause surely he knew
Rolling Stone would be read by his boss.

Sue if by Land, Screwed if by Sea

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 10:00:25 +0000

It’s interesting sometimes what flies under the radar. Take this maritime law that is thrust to the fore with the Deepwater Horizon rig disaster. A 90 year old law lets BP off the hook for the people who were killed because the rig is considered an ocean going vessel and was more than 3 miles offshore. Why is this law still on the books? Because the cruise industry vigorously supports it! It allows them to ‘police themselves’ when anything happens at sea and severly limits their liability. They really want you to have a good time but if anything unfortunate should happen while at sea…tough luck!

This maritime law is debris
But the cruise lines love what they see.
If they screw you on land
You can sue out of hand
But their safe if they screw you at sea.

Rambo in Pakistan

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 10:00:54 +0000

Gary Faulkner from Colorado is the new Rambo! He’s out on his own searching for Osama bin Laden. There’s no question we could use the help given our lack of success over the years. Still, it’s hard to imagine one man alone going into Pakistan, finding him and bringing him in. He says he’s doing it because he’s mad and religious (almost the same thing). While I love a good altruistic story, I’ve got to think the $25 million reward has something to do with it.

Seems Rambo is in Pakistan
And Osama bin Laden’s his man.
He says he won’t kill
So the $25 mil
Must have been part of the plan.