This had to be one of the stupid crimes of the year.
A letter for Letterman arrives,
With an extortion request inside.
Threatening to make news
By pandering to prudes,
Stupidity and morals collide.
Everybody should help save breasts!
For young men it’s an oft’ dreamed of place,
With memories they cannot erase.
We all can relate
So step up to the plate.
Don’t let breast cancer steal second base.
Early man was in much better shape,
As his lifestyle was much less sedate.
You workout everyday
When you are the prey,
And running is used to escape.
Now if we could only convince them that more sex will make them look younger.
Women want to see their weight shrinking
Now there’s help from a study that’s linking,
Weight loss to booze.
Now you can lose
Those unwanted pounds while you’re drinking.
They’re only harming themselves…and those who see them.
I can sense the frustration with food
But don’t think that it warrants a feud.
Just being obese
Doesn’t threaten the peace,
The real harm is in seeing them nude.