Cool Limerick Poems

Christmas Greetings

Filed under: Xmas — @ 3:00 am

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I’ll be taking off next week then back in January. Enjoy your holidays!

Kudos for Avatar in 3-D

Filed under: Entertainment — @ 3:00 am

I saw the movie Avatar the other day in 3-D. Excellent movie! The 3-D really accentuates the new world that Avatar brings to the screen. These big screen movies are just what theaters need to differentiate themselves from DVDs and home entertainment systems. They’re the only kind of movie I’m willing to pay for at the theater. For all the rest, I’m content to wait for the DVD.

Avatar, as a film will astound
As images in 3-D surround
With depth and dimension,
Then a story of redemption
Helps keep its feet on the ground.

More Christmas Limericks

Filed under: Xmas — @ 3:00 am

Here are some more Christmas limericks in keeping with the holiday season. Fun for the whole family, except maybe the last one. Enjoy!

It’s the time of the year reindeer dread
Pulling hard on that big, heavy sled.
Just once they all pine
Fedex ‘em this time
And let us spend Christmas in bed.

Some elves have been working so hard
That the back of their hands become scarred.
But not a whine you will hear
When the big man is near
As they hold him in such high regard.

Mrs. Claus has a role, don’t you know,
Making cutouts and rolling the dough.
‘Cause the elves on their breaks
Need cookies and cakes.
Without carbs they are clumsy and slow.

When NORADs alert goes to high
They know Santa’s sleigh’s in the sky.
There’s ne’r been a trace
Of trouble, but in case,
A Fighter escort’s on standby.

One Christmas I had such a scare
Spying  Santa and Mom in our chair.
She seemed to be probing
As he was disrobing.
She’ll not find our presents down there!

Soldiers Knocked-Up, Get Knocked Down

Filed under: Events — @ 3:00 am

It’s the new modern day Army…soldiers ‘knocking-up’ other soldiers. I can understand the motivation. If you’re constantly at risk of getting your head (or other body part) blown off, then why not cram in as much sex as possible just in case.  The threat of a court-martial, however,  seems a bit extreme but that’s management for you…always trying to fix things with a stick.

Protection for those in Iraq
Takes more than just Kevlar in stock.
The problem perplexes
As using both sexes,
Means more than just bullets to block.

Facebook Facing Off Again

Filed under: Events — @ 3:00 am

Facebook is once again stepping on their users…who will have none of it. I love the way companies try to spin their efforts to make it look like they’re providing something new and wonderful when in reality, it’s just another money grab. This is why social networking has never hit its stride as a big money maker. Users want a safe place to socialize but the site providers want to monetize all that private data. It can only end badly for Facebook. Just look how fast Myspace fell out of favor.

“We improved it” says Facebook to users,
While fending off other accusers.
But they’re nothing but tricks
For trying to get clicks
‘Cause they’re not making money on schmoozers.

Hydrogen Powered Mercedes

Filed under: Lifestyle — @ 3:00 am

I’ve been waiting for hydrogen powered cars to show up and it looks like Mercedes is ready to go. It’s still limited production but you have to start somewhere. It runs using a fuel cell to power an electric motor that produces pure water and zero emissions! There is still a lot of work to do before anything like this makes an impact on our carbon footprint. Distribution of hydrogen so drivers can refuel is one very big issue but at least we can still use the phrase “I’m running out of gas”.

If hydrogen as a fuel would spread
Then our fear of carbon would shed
It’s doomsday appeal.
Now reductions are real
So we’re leaner and greener instead.

A Shortage of Bad Bankers?

Filed under: Events — @ 3:00 am

I fail to understand the concern over these bankers threatening to leave if they don’t get a big enough bonus. These are the same people that got us into this mess and it’s not as if there’s a shortage of bad bankers.  I remember the same issue when the airlines were declaring bankruptcy and we needed to incent the managers not to jump ship because of their “experience” (experience at driving a company into bankruptcy? ).  The problem begins when you start giving people big salaries and lofty titles and soon they start thinking they deserve it.  As I’ve said before, the cream does not rise to the top…and these people are living proof.

Bad bankers should be shown the door
Their arrogance and hubris abhor.
While preferring castration
I’ll accept their prostration,
Then make ‘em all join the Peace Corps.

Jenny Sanford vs. Elin Woods

Filed under: Events — @ 3:00 am

Its hard to tell who got the worst of it between Jenny Sanford, who just filed for divorce, and Elin Woods who’s still mapping out strategy with her legal team. Elin had to suffer from multiple affairs but Jenny had to be associated with a guy who thought he could leave the country unnoticed while he was the Governor…in other words, a complete idiot. I’d say Jenny took the bigger hit only because she won’t come out of this with tens of millions of dollars. However, this gives me a chance to share a limerick I wrote before about Governor Sanford but never got to publish (one of my favorites). It’s two-fer-Tuesday!

Jenny Sanford should meet Elin Woods
And compare how they’ll each get the goods
From philandering mates
Whose ‘late model’ dates
Had rev’ed them up under their ‘hoods’.

Some think that there is nothing finah’
Than a sweet Argentina vagina.
If you take me to task
I’ll just have you ask
The Governor of South Carolina.

Christmas Limericks

Filed under: Xmas — @ 3:00 am

Today I offer up something a little different. Here are some limericks using lines from famous Christmas carols or poems. Happy holidays and enjoy!

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Just War or ‘Just’ War?

Filed under: Events — @ 3:00 am

It’s interesting to hear the change in tone about the war in Afghanistan as Obama accepts the Nobel Peace Prize. When leaders start talking about a ‘just’ war, that’s a euphemism for ‘we don’t know how to get out so we need to justify why we’re still there’. I think we’ve sufficiently punished Afghanistan and the Taliban for the events of 911. We’ll never fully eradicate them or convince them to love us so what’s left? The real problem is…it’s easier to start a war than to end one.

Obama calls the war we’re waging ‘just’
Or is it just a war that’s going bust?
It started as revenge
But now it never ends.
Pride has turned intentions into dust.

iPhone Hangs Up AT&T

Filed under: Investing — @ 3:00 am

AT&T is a victim of its own success. Some iphone customers are hogging bandwidth and slowing down the network. It’s not all that surprising given the constant stream of new apps and a fixed monthly price for data. Their initial effort to fix this problem is to ‘educate’ the users on bandwidth usage. Good luck with that or, as one person wrote “how can users be blamed for being “data hogs” when the offer is all-you-can-eat”?

AT&T has a problem with hogs
As its service is going to the dogs.
Heads will drop lower
As response times get slower
Until users are left ’sawing logs’.

Tiger…Tiger…Tiger

Filed under: Sports — @ 3:00 am

This is my last post about Tiger…I promise. It’s just that his antics get more bizarre every day and the limericks just flow forth (you can find more limericks about Tiger over at my golf limerick site). It will be real interesting to see how the fans treat him when he plays again. Some writers take issue with the amount of coverage this story is generating but it’s not unusual. People are intrigued when a famous figure is felled by a women…or two…or three…or four…okay nine! (at last count).  The sad part is, it was all so avoidable.

On the course, he’s in total command
But at night he’s a slave to his gland.
Instead of a thrust
To fulfill his lust,
He could have just lent it a hand.

GPS – Government Permitted Spying

Filed under: Events — @ 3:00 am

I’m surprised more people are not alarmed by how easily they can be tracked. If the government insisted we wear a tracking device around our necks I’m sure everyone would be up in arms. But stick it in a cell phone and tout the 911 benefits and voila! widespread people tracking is enabled. Even if you don’t subscribe to any mapping services, your location can be tracked as long as a GPS chip is in your phone. If the Bush presidency showed us anything, it’s that the government will use and abuse anything at their disposal when in a state of fear or emergency (real or imagined).

If you think that ‘big brother’ is near
He’s closer than he might appear.
Where you are, where you go,
Are things that he’ll know
‘Cause you’re holding him up to your ear.

Dell is Slowing Down

Filed under: Investing — @ 3:00 am

Dell is having some laptop quality problems (I’ve heard that before) that they refuse to admit (I’ve heard that before too!). Their response is to try and squelch all negative information. This never works thanks to the Internet but it’s a typical response from a large company that is losing market share and doesn’t seem to know what to do. Not to worry. There are plenty of new, nimble competitors to fill in the gaps. It’s the free market version of ‘natural selection’ at work.

If some laptops from Dell run slo-mo
It’s a problem they know but forgo
Acknowledgement or fix.
Their PR type tricks
Are the same ol’ hot air that they blow.

World Cup Draws for Group of Death

Filed under: Sports — @ 3:00 am

The World Cup officially kicks off today with the team draws into the eight groups. I’m not usually a soccer fan (football for the rest of the world) but the World Cup is special. Held every four years with country vs. country makes for a very exciting tournament. During the team draw, you don’t want to get placed into the ‘Group of Death’. It’s hard to pin down exactly what this is but suffice to say…it’s not good.

With drama straight out of MacBeth
The fans will hold onto their breath.
The World Cup draw
Will deal the short straw
To the teams in the famed ‘Group of Death’.