Airport Security Has An Occasional Perk

Posted on January 18, 2012 by

These young ladies are having fun! Scampering around France in nothing but their pretty little underwear. I particularly like this one in the airport. I’ve always wanted to see attractive women strip down to almost nothing before going through the scanners. Emphasis on ‘attractive’ as most of the women I stand behind…well, lets just say the more clothes the better. Life is so unfair!

A young lady from France caused a scare
At airport security where
Things were alarming
‘Though she quite disarming
In naught but her chic underwear.


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The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Posted on January 12, 2012 by

What some guys will do for love is astounding…and sometimes painful. A young Iranian man decided to send his lover a message she could read over and over again. He would even deliver it right to her (ahem) doorstep. Unfortunately, there were some uncomfortable side effects that put Viagra to shame. There are way too many fools to think only one is born per minute!

A man from Iran thought he knew
The best way to say ‘I love you’,
Turns out he was wrong
And damaged his schlong
When he ordered a penis tattoo.

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Tebow and Denver – A Match Made in Heaven

Posted on January 9, 2012 by

How about those Denver Broncos? Pittsburgh was no match for Tim Tebow and his ‘friends in high places’. Maybe Jesus really does watch football! In the past we only saw his work in the 4th quarter but yesterday he showed up in the 2nd. Must have been a slow day or maybe…

_

Jesus had hoped he could go
Skiing, but where was the snow?
With Tahoe still warmin’
And Utah still Mormon
He ended in Denver with Tebow.

Tim Tebow

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How Not To Get A Monkey Off Your Back

Posted on January 5, 2012 by

Banana-Sam, the missing squirrel monkey, has been returned to the San Francisco zoo. He was kidnapped? two nights ago and a reward was posted for his return. A man walked into the police station and told officers he spotted the monkey in a park and managed to coax it into his backpack. Unfortunately, the zoo’s assistant curator of primates says that’s “not likely”. Squirrel monkeys are skittish and not the type to willingly hop into a backpack. The police also thought the story sounded a little suspicious so no reward money has been given out. The man who found him may have turned in one monkey, but now has another monkey on his back.

Banana Sam was a little to spunky
And the story a little to funky
So instead of an ending
The reward is still pending
As the business of capture sounds monkey.

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Happy New Year

Posted on December 30, 2011 by

New Years Eve is coming up fast. Time to get out your new calendar…oh yeah…and prepare to party! I’ve never been a big fan of this day. The parties are too big or too commercial and you end up saying happy new year to perfect strangers or people you hardly know. I prefer my ‘bubbly’ at home with close friends and family. To each his own. Happy New Year!

 

New Years Eve has become a cliche
For a new start, the old giving way.
But other than taxes
The salient fact is
With the sun rise it’s just a new day.

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The War In Iraq: A Sad Piece Of American History

Posted on December 16, 2011 by

The War in Iraq has officially been ended…whatever that means. We still have troops, bases and commitments that will continue to drain our resources and treasury. This war can only be described as an unmitigated disaster…or in the words of Clint Eastwood…a gigantic clusterfuck! The lies, the arrogance, the stupidity of the American people to re-elect George Bush all make this one of the lowest points in American history. It continues to amaze me when looking around the world or back through history, how small groups of evil, misguided or ignorant people can cause so much death, damage and destruction. We still have a long way to go.

Though the war in Iraq has now ended
Those responsible still are defended.
With waste on a scale
That colors us pale
It’s left scars that will never be mended.

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MythBusters Bust Up a House

Posted on December 10, 2011 by

MythBusters was in town recently and caused quite a commotion. Seems a shot from a Civil War era cannon skipped thru the protective barricades and barreled through a neighborhood. It hit a driveway, crashed through the front door, exited the house through a back wall then landed in a car! (or something like that). Luckily, no one was hurt. It’s no myth those things still pack a punch.

The TV show had a close call
When shooting an old cannon ball.
While no myth was busted
A shot maladjusted
Left a hole through door and a wall.

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Herman Cain Will Have That Order To Go

Posted on December 5, 2011 by

Comedians across the country are mourning the loss of Herman Cain from the GOP Presidential race. He was such a good source of material and virtually handed out parody every time he spoke. You have to wonder how this guy ever thought he had a chance. Did he think no one would find out about a 13 year affair? Or the sexual allegation charges from his past? From now on, whenever we hear the name Herman Cain, we won’t be thinking pizza.

It’s the end of the road, Herman Cain
And it’s time to close up your campaign.
You may call it a smear
But to us it’s just clear
You’ve been using more penis than brain.

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A Stock Market Rally By Any Other Name

Posted on December 1, 2011 by

The Stock Market is on a tear the last few days with another hollow promise from our fearless leaders. A group of Central Bankers have indicated they will act swiftly if things start going to sh*t. I don’t know whether to be relieved they’re on alert or concerned that they HAVE to be on alert. I think the market just wants a Santa Clause rally come hell or high water. Or maybe instead of a rally, what we all really want…

With Central Banks planning injection
The stock markets reached an inflection.
We hope it’s inspired
And not overly tired
To regain a growing erection.

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Super Committee is Super-fluous

Posted on November 28, 2011 by

No one seemed to overly concerned about the failure of the ‘super’ committee to address the growing budget deficit. This was a sham before it even got started. Each side picked their loyal henchmen who huffed and puffed until time ran out. If the deficit were made of straw they still couldn’t make a dent in it. Oh well, nothing lost but wasted time and money but then, that’s what Congress does best. Time to move on to the next faux crisis.

The committee that called itself ‘super’
Ended in Congressional stupor
As the task they first greeted
Was left uncompleted
And languishing there in the pooper.

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Black Friday Keeps Getting Darker

Posted on November 26, 2011 by

Another Black Friday has come and gone with only a couple of murders and some pepper spray. All in the name of a few bucks off an Xbox, Wii or some other non-essential electronic gadget. It’s consumerism run amuck. Eventually, Black Friday will steamroll Thanksgiving until the only turkeys left will be those standing in line at Walmart.

Black Friday’s a dark, sordid tale
Of seeking the new holy grail.
For a price you can’t beat
Some shoppers would eat
Their young if they found them on sale.

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Time For Thanksgiving

Posted on November 23, 2011 by

Time to take a pause from all the trials and tribulations of everyday life and spend some time with family and friends. There is no better way to do this then over a good meal. ‘Breaking bread’ has always been synonymous with sharing, camaraderie and peace. Just make sure to keep the discussions of politics and religion away from the dinner table. Happy Thanksgiving!

The Holidays are time to remind
Of things we forget in the grind
Of everyday living,
So pause for Thanksgiving
And nourish the ties that will bind.

Thanksgiving


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Tim Tebow Plays On A Wing And A Prayer

Posted on November 18, 2011 by

You can’t help but be amazed by the recent success of Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos (disclaimer: I’ve been a Denver fan since I was ‘knee high to a duck’). That doesn’t mean I drank the Tebow kool-aid. Watching the guy play gives me heartburn. Watching him throw a pass makes me cringe! I don’t know how long his winning ways can continue but it has certainly added drama to Broncos football. I’ve bought him a Christmas present below. Hope it helps.

The Broncos and Tebow are winning
And keeping the Denver fans grinning,
But if God has a say
Then Tim better pray
‘Cause his passing just borders on sinning.

Tim Tebow Passing Football

 

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Will The Occupy Protest Head To Florida?

Posted on November 12, 2011 by

The Occupy protest seems to be losing some support especially here on the west coast. Their nebulous demands don’t lend themselves to a quick solution, or for that matter, any solution at all. While they may be a part of the 99%, they can’t claim to represent a group that large and diverse. Regardless, their momentum now will mostly be determined by whether then can weather the weather.

Though I can’t tell which way the winds blowing
The Occupy protest is growing,
But despite what’s been said
There’s trouble ahead
When winter comes and it starts snowing.

Occupy Wall Street

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Terrorists Are Lightweights, China Is The Real Threat

Posted on November 4, 2011 by

I get frustrated with our overt fear of terrorist attacks. All they’ve ever been able to do is sneak up every ten years and blow up a building or two. Now I don’t like to see that happen and the 9/11 attacks were a tragedy, but terrorists will never, I repeat never, threaten the stability or integrity of our country. They’re just small groups of zealots who will always be around and we just have to deal with it. The real threat is China!

They have the capability and desire to do significantly more damage to our country. It’s currently being played out in cyberspace so it’s mostly invisible and the human cost is negligible, but we shouldn’t be lulled into complacency. They know the best way to damage our country is from within. In the future, a Chinese virus might be more deadly than an American bomb.

The source of our countries unease
Is a fear of Islamic draftees,
But a much bigger threat
Sneaks in on the Net
As a hacker who’s speaking Chinese.

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